How Many Masks Do You Own?

This was written a long time ago. Probably over 10 years ago. I was thinking about how acquaintances, friends and family look at me. I felt that there would be varying descriptions of myself and my personality. That was because I was hiding certain personality traits for some and pushing more dormant traits to the forefront to look cool or attractive to other people. I realized this was a detriment. I also realized we all do it. Hence, the thought below.

I'm sitting thinking about the people I know. The people from home, the fam, the people in Okinawa, the people I know here, and other people I've met along the way. Any one of those people can tell you a story about me that some will say, "Yep, that's him" while others will say, "Nah, it can't be the Lloyd I know". The thing I'm getting at is we all wear mask. The masks I'm talking about are Jokester (never taking anything serious), Sensitive, Hard Ass, etc. Shit like that. Now how frequent we wear these mask or how many masks a person possesses varies from person to person. I feel that a person wears a mask for certain situations (i.e. first impression, to fit in or just to try and show off in front of people). The thing about masks are if you wear them in front of someone long enough, that person will think that's the person you are. I have dealt with this issue personally. It's like, you wear this mask on as a first impression, and instead of rotating out your masks, you keep wearing the same one. Fast forward a little. You feel another way about this person. You might decide you want to confide in this person or you think you are a good match for this person. But you've worn this mask for so long, they can't believe what you are saying. They think you are bullshitting. What I've been dealing with lately is my ability to open up or show my real feelings. I've dealt with people not being real, so it's hard for me to trust people Post-Oki. Hence, I have mulitple masks. So now, at this stage in my life, I've confused myself on different occasions by crossing lines and cutting others. Maybe I'm one episode away from a nervous breakdown or one positive situation away from being the happiest person ever. I guess no one will know, because most of this is hiding behind the masks I wear.